i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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