I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
