You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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