And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
