Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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