So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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