i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
