I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
