I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
