it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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