I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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