Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
