I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize