His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
