They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize