can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
ttyl tear gas
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
