The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
