I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
