Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Someone signed my nipple.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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