So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
