I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
