wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
