if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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