Please don't use social media to get back at me.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
