i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm passing your future prison.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
