The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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