The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
