I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
