Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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