Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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