All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
