hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
