I didn't shave. On purpose
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
