we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
