..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
