I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
