He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
