I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
