I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize