My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
