There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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