If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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