there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
