He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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