You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Randomize
