Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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