it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize