I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
