Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize