The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
