I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
