remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
