I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
