He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
BRING THE BAGELS
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
