Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
