I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
well most of my day revolves around power hour
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
