I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
When are your genitals available?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
