I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
