I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
