Say something about gay babies.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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