I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
