Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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