Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
