So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
