I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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