I accidentally had phone sex last night
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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