hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize