There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
