Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
