Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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