I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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