her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
