that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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