i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
