lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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