so explain again why im purple
no
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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