I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
