I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize