I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
