remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
do nipples grow back?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
