and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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