Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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