oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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