absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
