I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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