so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
