The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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