The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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