this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
