If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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