ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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