why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wish you could order shots online.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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